Hear n’ There

I pasted this on my Orkut ‘About Me’ profile yesterday. Thought you may like it. 

(EDIT: I wrote this myself, just in case you wondered where I did I ‘paste’ it from. Oh and if you are among those who came across this page while looking for  ‘about me orkut’ or ‘orkut profile cool’; all I ask you to do is - erggh leave it. You can visit my Orkut profile here.)

Half my brain cells are speculating the repercussions of not filling this section. The other half is sleeping, having plotted things transcending human comprehension all day. The working half is still assessing what would happen if I do not join this perpetual race to be among the coolest of orkut profiles, would it be termed blasphemous or sacrilege? Will writing be easier than the contemplation and deliberation? Should I be sleeping like most other adults as it is three am? Or should I, like other teenagers, be surfing porn websites, or talking to their boyfriends or girlfriends, or changing their MSN nicknames to cooler things. Changing their display pictures to the few pictures that hide their flat chests, grotesque noses, disproportionate behinds and short height and what not; so that they get complemented as they simultaneously chat with three other people. They’ll get their ‘beautifuls’ and ‘awwsums’, it would be rude for people not to do so. The human race is obliged to pump Helium into already inflated egos.

I am not expected to quail away and not exercise all my acumen, every bit of humor, sarcasm, and wit I posses. It is uncool to not try your best to be cool.The third most uncoolest thing to do after ‘wnna b fran4 casual sex’ and photos of Brad Pitt for display pictures. What if someone visits and reads my profile and then thinks that I am dyslexic? What if he (or or what if she is a ‘she’?!) scraps me that I should be banned from Orkut and calls me pea brained and that it is filled with african-grade dung instead of the cerebro spinal fluid?

Should I be replying and tell the ignorant portion of their cerebrum that it is a politically incorrect statement to make about Sudan. Do they know that half their I-met-you-once-at-that-refugee-camp friends die before they can accept their ‘friend requests’, because of no electricity to run computers?

Murphy, my spiritual guide, tells me that ‘if anything can go wrong it will’. What if i intentionally choose to keep this field blank and try to be uncool? Was he told in school that two negatives make a positive? Was he so brilliant that he never attended school, or was he brilliant because he never attended school? What if two negatives, clash with a third negative (in accordance with Murphy) creating an infinite loop? Will I be able to procrastinate time itself till Murphy decides what is going to happen?

If time does not really stop, then does it imply that Murphy was wrong? Does that mean that anything that can go right will go right (was that a lot of thats?). Will I rise to find myself in my Las Vega Condo with Katherine Heigl and Elisha Cuthbeth wearing a crown labelled ‘The Master of the Orkut’ ? Will I still want to unceremoniously obliterate ‘About me’.If Murphy was right, which I bet he was, will time stop? Would I have prevented the apocalypse? More importantly, will I be remembered for that? Famous enough to have official Orkut communities established in my name? Will the aliens save us? Will their females be hot? What if they are all androzygous? What races will we produce when we mate with them in that case? Will they let me name them ‘Adinosauraii’?

If nothing like this happens, would I be blamed for the depressing sad suicidal little existence you live? Is it my fault that your assignments ain’t completed because you were busy thinking of a hundred futile ways to impress your cute neighbor? That you pooped in your pants while trying to fart silently? Is it my fault that the earth the way it is? Maybe partly. Go, get your daily dose of Social networking. Keep feeding your alter egoes. Say ‘hey wssa’ even if you met them precisely 74.545 seconds back. Or are are you part of some propaganda to render IMs obsolete? Keep scrapping till they give you the ‘coolest social networker of the year’ award because you have more scraps than you can count; Orkut is your illusionary sanctum from the angst and misery you are drowning in, you know it. Do not blame my over-worked, caffeinated half of brain cells. I do digress and have a flair for the hyperbole.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 19th, 2007 at 3:20 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.