Hear n’ There

Went grocery shopping this weekend. Let’s see what I bought, and forget about the things that I should have bought. I can stare and use  gadgets at showrooms for hours doing nothing but admire human creation the same way I would for Cobie Smulders (except, quite unfortunatey, for the using part). Standing in lines, trying hard not to crash the trolley into the forty-five year old women who race against a snail and do surprisingly well in coming last. Dealing with thirty year old executives who consult programming models and astrological charts to place their carts at exactly the places which would irritate the bejesus out of me as they they take their own sweet time on their cell-phones as if the world were was their effing toilet seat would make tragedies Shakespeare would die twice to take credit for.

Of-course he would have tried to shorten the above sentences and not make them seem like I ate the stop out of Full-Stop. Well, I just gave a test  for my Technical Report Writing course where one is supposed to shorten to One-Third the given composition. The course purpots to see to the heinous obliteration of enriching cliches alongwith flamboyantly ostentatious words and phrases barring the blatantly obvious mundane while ostensibly setting higher standards of report writing about which no one gives an iota of an iota. I on the other hand am striving my best in destituting the English language of an sin of gargantuan proportions and Satanic intentions. One long sentence at a time. Short and meaningful equals things like say e=mc^2 or Schrodinger’s equation. The last time I checked; they gave a Nobel for that piece of crap, while ink in tons, was wasted utilised to explain all that anyway.

Let this not be a rant against against forty five year old pregnant aunties, thirty year old rich businessmen, mentally retarded Hypermarket planners. Or even the simplicity of Quantum Mechanics.  I rather flabbergast by providing crucial insight to the ways of a hostel student.

Knorr Instant Soup: 12 Cream of Chicken Sachets. 12 Tomato Soup Sachets. Easy to make. Cheap. The buy one get one free offer was a steal.

Americana Double Chocolate Chip Cookies: 16 Packs. Yummy. Great when you are hungry at four in the morning. Recommended eat 3 packs if not had Dinner. Eat none in front of others, lest you like them to magically disappear. David Blaine’s magical powers pale in comparison to the collective appetites of even four college students.

Koka Instant Noodles: The cost as compared to Maggie Curry Flavor? Double. The taste as compared to Maggie Curry Flavour? One Fourth. Not going down a couple of floors to use the microwave and cook Maggie but rather use the hot/cold water system in your corridor to cook Koka? Priceless.

Gingerale: Six Cans. No comments on the value of Fizz in life.

Tang: Because drinking gingerale all the time in place of water means you either got your priorities wrong, or got more money than I do.

Chocolate Sticks: Bought only because they were cheap and it looked great. The power of Marketing. Funny, I got a course in Marketing Principles and this is a classic example of employment of Projective Technique as per Freud’s Motivation Theory. It basically involves me lazily getting up to get my book, looking up the index for Freud, quoting terms, italicising them to tell you what it is simply means that packaging, advertisements, hot blondes endorsing products help. 

Graph Sheets: Hail the force which asks nerds to buy many more sheets than they require. Oh My academically oriented friends! I meant not what I wrote. I didn’t even write that. Without Thy grace I would be calling fifty-five other people who am sure don’t have graph sheets or A4 papers to ask if they have graph sheets or A4 papers. I have a lot of phone balance, my grades, notes, knowledge of syllabi- hours before a paper thanks only to the divine aura that thy radiate.

Lunch at Chilli’s: Some ridiculously expensive Chicken exotic sounding name.

Ink for Pen: Seemed a trifle overpriced.

Healthy Food: Waiting to turn a richer thirty year old hypertense, diabetic. Innit? Oh, but I am not the only one.

Hoping that you all are living the good times, the instant way.

To provide me company in the gym twenty years later.

Thing of the Day: What 207 Million Dollars looks like.

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